Regrets
by TubbaMirum
Summary: History is wont to repeat itself, and nobody knows that more than a certain Hisao Nakai. For him, the repetition became too rapid for his own mortality to cope. His mistakes have kept him bound to Yamaku, forced to watch the student body he tragically failed to relate to for all eternity...
1. Chapter 1: Cold

Chapter 1: Cold

Reality is a cold bitch.

In the past I would append something along the lines of "sometimes" or "when it ruins your day the most," but the events of the past few years have gotten me over that habit quite convincingly. At the very least there doesn't seem to be anybody around to dispute the assertion anymore.

So with that kept in mind, I'll reiterate my statement more boldly.

With conviction and finality, reality is a cold bitch.

The heart attack in the snow was just the beginning. In fact, thinking back on that day when Iwanako confessed to me might just be the reason I'm choosing to use the word "cold" right now. It's strange considering I don't even remember it being that much colder than what was needed for snow.

It's even stranger to think about the sensation of cold itself.

You can't measure cold, you can only measure heat. Cold is simply the absence of a comfortable level of heat, arbitrary, only useful by mental association rather than as a true, scientific measure.

I suppose the strangest part about the concept of "cold" now for me however is far less philosophical than that.

Since that night, the sensation has become an alien commodity, a distant memory. They say that the past can hurt or even feel as good as the present so long as it's remembered, but I've done a lot of remembering what it feels like to be cold lately.

No amount of thinking is enough to overcome the lack of nerve endings becoming a spirit entailed.

The grand irony of my situation didn't have a _ghost_ of a chance to escape my observation. In life I never gave any real stock to ghost stories, even when I occasionally let myself be wrapped in the mutual paranoia for the sake of fun. Ghosts weren't supposed to be real.

How fitting that I became something I never even believed in.

After that fateful day in January, I'd been bound to a hospital bed for somewhere around four months. The similarities between then and now are all too clear to me, and I imagine the sheer speed with which they came by my matchstick of a life has much to do with it.

I don't remember much about the fall or the moments afterward, but I do remember waking up to bright sunlight and a quiet, sullen atmosphere. It was strange opening my eyes knowing the Sun was too bright for them and still feeling no pain.

At the time I still wasn't sure where I was and what was happening. There was a me-sized hole in the fence, a crime scene assembled below it, and bouquets of flowers spread all around where the police allowed any kind of contact. I went to inspect it multiple times, but after only a few minutes I found myself back on the rooftop without any memory of what it was I saw.

It didn't make much sense that I couldn't visit the spot while it was being investigated, but I imagine it's yet another cruel twist from reality keeping me from learning the details of my own death.

I tried to run away from it all, to flee the phantom Yamaku where nobody knew I was right there trying to talk to them. I only got as far as the wrought-iron gates that first welcomed me to the Academy before a powerful, magnetic force of some sort kept me locked in place.

I was and still am unable to go anywhere but the places I've been to before. The boys' dorm, the main and auxiliary buildings, the track… All of these have become the limit of my world.

Even considering that, there are still places I can't go even if I can see them clear as day. I never did visit the pool in the auxiliary building, and even though it's a large room in plain sight from the halls, I can never cross over the window boundary to be there physically.

I can watch, at least, and I took full advantage of my existence as the perfect voyeur for a few days. Unfortunately, ghostly memory doesn't seem to work as well for places I can't visit either, and all I can retain is the perverse satisfaction I drew out of performing the act itself.

Perhaps that's for the best, honestly. It's not as if I could relieve stress if I even built up that variety anymore.

Though my hospital stay and now my existence as a spirit have many parallels, it seems my visitors died off even faster this time around than last. I know exactly why this is.

It was the day that my cold reality came into focus. A typical July morning, certainly sweltering and humid from the looks of it, didn't seem that different from the other days I'd experienced since my death. Only this time, the spot where I died had been decorated again.

The investigation was naturally the first thing to go, within a day of my passing really. The flowers were next, and after that the wind carried off a placard with my name on it. Yet none of those really helped give me the context of my current situation until I saw that envelope sitting with its face up against the small memorial left to me.

Even a second tragic accident wasn't enough for Iwanako it seems. Her name was unmistakable on the cover of the envelope. If she had had a third chance, I have no doubt now that she would have been the last to truly visit me for it too.

For days I raged at my inability to open or view the letter. At the time, it seemed like the letter was teasingly placed before me, the answer to my regrets in life that would let me move on from this pitiful existence as a rooftop spirit. I begged passersby to no avail, screaming and making unholy clamor in the hopes that they might hear. Instead, they only walked by faster it seemed. It was foolish of me to believe this, but at least it made me think I was able to affect the world around me.

The envelope came and went in a week's time. I never saw who or what took it away, but ultimately all the mattered was that it was gone. It's impossible to tell just how much time passed, even if the division between night and day was much clearer outside than it had been in the hospital.

Every waking moment was spent in writhing agony. Sensation may have left me, but the illusion of its existence is a constant. The thought that I could be stuck on this roof for all of eternity, lamenting regrets I can barely remember even now drove me literally insane.

Despite my raging, the roof slowly began to be occupied by students once again seeking a quiet sojourn for lunch or the like. I remember seeing at least a handful of confessions while my seemingly perpetual agony was taking place. I'm sure I would have caught a lot more things than just that if I weren't busy trying to yell and wail like I'd become some kind of male banshee.

It was all useless for months, possibly even years. I couldn't tell for certain how much time had passed anymore. The faces were vaguely familiar yet completely unknown to me. It only drove me deeper into the pool of despair.

My routine of making a ridiculous unearthly din was broken seemingly at random. A group of girls had come to the roof for lunch, but somewhere in my tirade I'd bumped against something, a shovel.

I'm not sure what it was even doing on the roof, but there was a strange resistance in the instant that my translucent arm passed through it. Suddenly, it fell loudly to the graveled ground, shocking the group of girls and prompting them to investigate. My insanity gave way to morbid curiosity, and I ran the same arm through the seeming leader of the group…

As it turns out, I only needed some time before I could start affecting the physical world again. I only succeeded in making the poor girl pass out, but the rumor mill must have started in earnest from there.

For the next week the roof was visited even more than usual, but the boldness of these expeditions diminished rapidly as I temporarily possessed their leaders or managed to cause any of their various possessions to act of their own accord. It didn't take long for rumors of the rooftop poltergeist to completely overwhelm the student population.

The roof has become a lonely place since then. I still get visitors every now and again, and I feel more obligated than pleased to entertain their whims and desire to be spooked. I don't think anybody has been able to fully enjoy a lunch up here since that first time I discovered my abilities.

Eventually, I was at least able to put a number to the number of years I've been stuck here. I'm not sure what prompted the sudden change in my ability to perceive time, but perhaps that's just a part of the cycle of melancholy that comes with being a spirit.

It should be June again soon, almost nine years to the day that I lost my life falling off the roof. In that time, I've learned nothing I didn't already know about my accident. That particular moment in time is still hazy, though I do at least know who was there and what we were doing.

I wonder how Kenji ended up faring. I find it highly unlikely that he escaped a circumstance like that without getting into some kind of deep shit, yet at the same time I can't find myself really blaming him. He was more eager to entertain a guest than I thought was possible for such a strange, shut-in man.

While I think about it, how is it even possible that I've existed here for half as long as my actual life existed and failed to meet another like myself? For that matter, though I've come to haunt the roof I've still never once been seen by anybody still living. I shouldn't be surprised, but there's something inside me screaming that my situation is completely wrong.

I know for a fact I'm not the only student to have died while still attending here at Yamaku. Frankly, it's statistically impossible knowing what I do know about the number of students here with life-threatening and shortening illnesses, even if that isn't a terribly large amount.

For that matter, I should at least be able to be _seen_ by somebody here. There's no way to scientifically test it naturally, but those closer to death are supposed to be able to see ghosts more easily, right? The aforementioned internal screams try to assure me this is the case, yet I've never once been detected beyond my ability to influence objects in the physical world.

I think I know the answer for half of this, though, and it's something I can only wish I'd realized while I was still alive.

Yamaku Academy is not a place where regrets run rampant.

It's hardly surprising then that my untimely death would result in this cold reality where I've been confined to a lonely existence on the roof. My only week here was an unmitigated disaster. I spent my time doing equal amounts of bumbling, moping, and inadvertently pissing off people while also managing to come off as a willing asshole to boot.

I never really made a friend despite the opportunities. Kenji did his best, but his demeanor was too strange for me then, and it was his efforts that led directly to my demise anyhow.

So now here I am, doomed to another year watching Yamaku Academy go about its business from the roof of one of its haughtily-built buildings. The ultimate irony is that in my own struggle to come to grips with my existence, I've repeated history yet again. I've driven away any hope at companionship by haunting the roof, all others being spooked away by my behavior and demeanor.

This damned purgatory needs to go to hell.

At the very least I only get to feeling this ridiculously depressed around the anniversary of my death. The week is already nearing its end, and my manner is starting to feel more melancholy than truly angered by now.

It's not that I'm unused to going long periods of time without visitors, but it would be rather nice to have something. Especially when the day is so pleasant like this, with blustery winds knocking about the few green leaves not quite strong enough to remain on their parent trees.

"What the hell are you getting so worked over, Hisao?" I sigh to myself, hanging off the fencing that had failed to save my life nine years ago. "It's just another day in the non-life of a ghost, isn't it?"

I try to tug uncomfortably at my uniform shirt, but the gesture is only successful psychologically. It's strange that I've been able to move shovels and even people for the past several years but not the clothing on my own back. Given there's no sensation in my body, I'm fairly certain I've completely forgotten everything there was to know about my own unclothed form.

I at least remember the scar over my heart, and I look down at it, the gravel of the rooftop visible through the unsightly blemish. I might have forgotten it too, but I must have unbuttoned the top layers of my clothing at some point before my fall. Even still, my shirt usually falls in such a way that it's covered up.

A sudden gust of wind rattles the fence and causes me to flinch even if there's no threat of pain or harm. Groaning, I pull away, floating back to the floor level and finding a spot near a bench, paying little mind to my surroundings.

"Nine years, huh?" I murmur to myself again, closing my eyes and contemplating my entire existence once again for a few moments. It's been like this for nine whole years…

"Since what?" A voice cuts across through the wind, completely out of nowhere.

"W-wha–!?" I jump suddenly, feeling as if I've vaulted fifteen feet into the air. Strangely, I remain rooted to my spot despite being able to accomplish this kind of feat with ridiculous ease typically.

"A-ahhh!?" The same voice repeats and there the sound of thrown gravel as my ghostly senses return to me.

Sitting before me is a girl wearing Yamaku's standard uniform, the top button undone and her ribbon either forgotten or kept away intentionally. Her position appears to have been compromised by our shared reactions to one another, and if I angle my head down a bit I'd be able to see…

Okay, you got over that kind of thing a long time ago, Hisao.

"A-are you alright?" I blink in surprise as I look towards this mysterious girl, before realization starts to dawn on me.

I can't see through her the same way I can see through myself. Her glasses reflect real sunlight and her long, wavy brown hair is blown about by the wind whereas even my unfortunate cowlick is never affected so.

"Yeah I'm… Ah… This isn't good…" She starts to reply before something stops her in her tracks. She leans forward to touch at her ankle before wincing heavily. "F-fuck… Dammit that's not good at all…"

There's no way this could be happening now of all times, could it?

"Y-you can see me?" I blink, unsure of how else to react even though she's clearly in pain.

She looks up, looking far less calm than her tone of voice had been suggesting previously. Her eyes are a mixture of fearful and hopeful rolled up with a metric ass-ton of pain.

"I-I guess I c-can…" She starts, but suddenly those same strangely captivating brown eyes roll back into her head, the rest of her body following suit and collapsing into the gravel with a light crunch.

So this is how it is then, huh reality? Nine years almost to the day of my death, and a person finally able to see me injures herself and faints before I can even comprehend what's happening.

I guess there are colder things you could have done to me today, but I'm standing by what I said earlier.

You're a stone cold bitch.


	2. Chapter 2: The Cat

Chapter 2: The Cat

I stare at her, my appearance cross and my eyes appraising critically as the overcast sky shifts harmlessly above us.

I would've thought a week of meetings might change how our rooftop interactions went, but it seems I just can't get it into my mind that somebody is actually here, able to see and hear me.

"Why do you keep coming back here?" I muse, trying to sound menacing like a proper haunting spirit and probably sounding more like an exasperated teacher.

"Because the roof is here..?" She fidgets in her spot nervously, looking down at the gravel in an attempt to negate the ire being directed her way.

"You've said that every time I've asked you the past four days. What the hell does that even mean?"

"I-I w-well…" She looks back up to me through those medium-thickness, homely glasses of hers. They're a strange choice considering she's hardly that visually impaired, certainly not legally blind.

"Spit it out!" I howl suddenly, causing her to jump off the bench. Before she can settle herself back down, however, I reach a pale arm forward and into her body. For a moment, I remember sensation.

"W-wait what are you..?" She blinks in surprise, making another one of those faces combining about three different emotions all at once. I'm beginning to think they're her trademark.

I nod dully along and end the moment after only a few seconds, looking to the girl with some concern in my brow rather than apathetic annoyance. She seems to have recovered from the other day rather decently, but the way she blushes tells me she's able to piece together just what I did all too well.

"Your ankle is still hurt. Why are you coming up to the roof even though it's taking this long for it to recover?"

"T-that's my own business…" Again with the stuttering. Is this just how she talks, or am I legitimately this disconcerting? If it's the latter, then _why is she still coming here?_

"Your business is my business now, girl," I glare at her, taking a seat against the bench adjacent even though I don't actually rest against it. "Tell me why you keep coming here."

"I told you already not to just call me girl… I have a name…" The stuttering seems to disappear when she's annoyed at least, but I'm still struggling to piece together what's going on here.

"Right, _Kaede_ ," I spit and roll my eyes all too visibly. There's no reason to hide my own distaste for these exchanges at this point. "Will you _please_ explain your inexplicable propensity for visiting a vengeful rooftop spirit even though doing so is physically painful because of your injured ankle?"

The blank look I draw from her is all too fascinating, and it's all I can not to burst out laughing at it. Have high school kids really regressed this far that such simple words are completely bewildering...

Actually, you know that sentence might have been a bit cruel for a first-year student after all.

"Why do you keep coming here if you're so clearly uncomfortable around me and climbing the stairs is such a difficult thing?" I clarify, wondering if the interest in books I developed late in life was some kind of karmic joke meant for this exact moment in time.

Kaede is able to cling onto these words far better, taking a moment to contemplate an answer. There's something vaguely familiar about this pause, but I can't exactly place what that is.

"I can't help being curious alright?" She finally admits with a defeated sigh, looking towards me with a saccharine pout that instantly melts my menacing façade.

"Curious about what exactly, here?" I frown despite the sudden shift in tone. This is only the third time she's come by in total, but this is the first time we've had an exchange this lengthy.

"You're a ghost! How could somebody not be curious about that!?" Her face suddenly turns into one of genuine disbelief, leaning so closely towards me now that I reel slightly even if personal space has been a complete non-concern for me the past nine years.

"Normal people would see a vengeful spirit and never return to the spot they saw them." I insist stubbornly, but the shake of her head as response defeats any hope I had of winning there.

"I'm not exactly something you'd call normal," She mutters under her breath, her demeanor sinking noticeably. "Well… I guess it's just. I've always kind of been interested in the idea of the supernatural. I never would have thought the stories about a ghost on the roof here would be true."

"You're not alone there." I mutter in response, but allow her to continue.

"Um, well… I guess I'm just curious about… How this came to be?" The concern in her voice is hard to place exactly, but as I look through those ugly frames of hers, I can see her eyes have a fearful tinge.

"How I became a ghost?"

She nods solemnly, the fear only seeming to increase now that I know exactly what she means.

"Y-you don't have to say anything," She murmurs, the anxiety of her eyes leaking into her voice now. "I-it was just a curiosity, so–"

"I'm not going to shout you off the roof for a question like that." I groan, closing my eyes and shaking my head as the dots click into place. Is she worried that talking about my past is somehow going to trigger some kind of nasty reaction out of me? The dead don't have time for things like that, insane or not.

"So… How did this happen? How did you come to be?" I look back up to see Kaede staring at me, the glimmer in her eyes an entirely new expression. It's slightly unnerving, actually.

"I well," I blink, stopping myself from blundering through an answer before continuing. "I don't exactly know myself. I didn't exactly think ghosts and the like existed before I died…"

I look to her for some kind of response, but she instead nods along enthusiastically for me to continue.

"I guess it was just kind of…" I scratch the back of my hand in a reflexive manner, but my words hang me up. I think I might have been lying to myself before. I can't just admit everything like this, can I?

"Kind of what?" She tilts her head, morbid curiosity in those huge amber orbs of hers pulling me into a response.

"I mean," I start to stumble for words again as the memories of my last night of life flood into my head again. "I was up here at a time I really shouldn't have been… I uh… I guess I just couldn't tell exactly where I was and then the fence gave way…"

The morbid curiosity only seems to grow, and she doesn't seem the least bit put off by how potentially graphic my descriptions could get.

"That's about all I really remember. I fell for a bit, and I landed suddenly on the ground. It wasn't awkward or anything but," I swallow, biting my lip. I haven't thought about this other aspect of my past life in a while either. "I might have been fine if it hadn't been for my condition…"

"Your condition?" She parrots after some careful consideration, her face only now transforming back into an ashen sheet.

"I had arrhythmia," The words I haven't said in over nine years, yet have never fully left me. "I didn't find out about it until a few months before I died, actually. There was… Well, I was out in the snow and suddenly had a heart attack. I was in a hospital for four months afterward."

Once again with the veiled origins Hisao? You're an even worse liar to yourself than you ever were to other people.

"I see…" She murmurs, looking down to think about it for a second and looking visibly shaken. I'm not surprised she's taken aback, but this extent seems almost an overreaction.

"I ended up here. It was supposed to be a new life and everything but," My voice catches again and I feel a twinge of guilt coursing through me. "I blew that. I lasted all of a week here before I went and did something stupid enough it killed me…"

"So, you're Nakai then? Hisao Nakai?" Her response is completely unexpected but the guess is hauntingly accurate.

"I… Yes, how did you know?" I look at her with a raised eyebrow, suddenly feeling a bit suspicious. On the one hand it's hardly surprising somebody interested in ghosts might have done some small research about people who've died here before, yet even keeping that in mind I'm struggling to understand how she would be able to learn something like my name.

"Well," She murmurs and starts to fidget suddenly, biting her lip before seeming to convince herself of what she'll say next. "I um… My older sister actually went to school here at the same time as when you got here. She was a first year back then."

I blink in disbelief for a moment, gathering myself before trying to clear my confusion.

"How would your sister know me? I was a senior then…"

"You were also a transfer student. That's always news at Yamaku Academy. Even bigger news is that you _died_ in an accident a week into your time here. Even my airhead of an older sister wouldn't forget something like that…" The way she treads carefully around her words should suggest she's hesitant to harp on her sister like this, but I'm somehow getting a feeling she's masking something else.

I just laugh along. The irony is too disgusting for me to react any other way.

Kaede for her part seems confused by the reaction, even if I'm certain my laugh is as bitter as one can be.

"Well, it's good to know I'm famous then. I guess that means the secret of Yamaku's rooftop poltergeist has been solved by you. Congratulations!" I start to clap my hands together but alas no noise is made without physical contact between them.

"W-wait, wha–?"

"You've figured out what you wanted to figure out, right? Now you don't have any reason to keep dragging yourself here while you've got an injured ankle on top of whatever else you're dealing with."

"Wait, that's not why I've been coming he–"

I'm not in the mood to listen. I feel some sort of mad instinct taking control of me, compelling me to shoo this troublesome girl off the roof.

"Don't forget your cane this time either." I sigh, groaning low moving over towards her again and reaching out a pale arm. Before I can reach her again, she reels.

"W-wait please don't do that again! I-I may not be… U-um, that is… Hahh…" She's stumbling over words again, but it's become annoying again rather than charming.

"Spit it out already!" I continue to press forward, pressing her even further backward.

Oh, what is this feeling? Is this what they call déjà vu?

"I-I'm still a girl y'know! Suddenly losing control and having somebody inside me that way…" She stops suddenly, allowing me to close the distance though I don't carry through with my endeavor.

Instead, I hover in front of her with a bewildered expression and bright pink blush on my cheeks.

"H-hey, it's not something dirty like that! I just…" I start on a defense, but the way she's worded her concerns has me in a knot. No Hisao, it really is that bad, especially when you're blushing like this.

"J-just don't touch me again, please…" She whimpers a bit, looking up and seeming a bit less distressed than before. Her chest is heaving rather noticeably, and she's eying her cane resting against the bench where she left it, the sturdy variety for support rather than guidance.

Here is where I would normally reach forward anyway. I'm a ghost after all, and I do as I please. It's become my charge as a vengeful spirit to assure the roof is a lonely, haunted place after all.

Something is giving me pause though. I take a moment to contemplate just what that is, from the heartbreaking expression on her face, to the distress in her voice, but I know the answer.

Kaede's back is pressed against the fence surrounding the roof of the building. It's not the same spot from nine years ago, and the fences have all been reinforced in my time as a ghost no less, but it's still plenty to get me going.

I turn about suddenly and with a massive flourish as guilt rocks me. Even in those moments of introspection, the one thought dominating me was simple and morbid.

"Make her feel what I did…" I murmur under my breath, collapsing into a shape like a ball on the same bench and feeling a wave of depression rush over me.

Just what the hell was I doing there? Trying once again to scare away the only company I could ever hope for up here on this cursed roof, and for what reason? Some petty sense of satisfaction at seeing somebody else suffer for a bit? Why do I keep doing this shit to myself?

This is my punishment, isn't it? Doomed to deny companionship for the rest of eternity…

I pause, my thoughts suddenly halting as a pair of brown loafers cut into my line of sight accompanied by the sound of crunching gravel. I look up to see Kaede, leaning forward with a nervous and uncertain expression on her young face.

"I-I'm not going to just leave because I know what happened to you…" She pauses for a moment and it takes me more than a few seconds to remember what it is she's struggling over.

"Hisao. You can call me Hisao," I say simply, swallowing and looking up at her before blinking. "W-wait, Kaede if you lean any further forward you'll–"

My warning is too late as the gravel underneath her very suddenly shifts and those amber orbs of hers shoot wide open, filled with fear. There are at least a few other emotions mixed in, but fear is the dominant.

Without thinking I brace myself even as it's unnecessary. Kaede starts to pass through my body, just before there's the sudden thud of her against the bench…

There's no thud. The hurried, frantic sounds of falling dissipate suddenly and silence mingles amongst us for a few moments. Only the sound of the light breeze and the smell of looming rain accompany us…

Wait, smell? That can't be right…

I open my eyes again, looking up towards Kaede as she's framed against the overcast day sky. She looks back to me, her unsightly frames knocked loose by the impact of colliding with my arms.

She hovers there with my translucent appendages passing into her corporeal form, looking bewildered and partly fearful but mostly relieved. Without thinking, I float forward a bit and start to right her posture until she's able to stand comfortably on her own.

We stay there for an amount of time I couldn't begin to adequately describe, equal parts fleeting and long-lasting. Our eyes are fixed upon each other's throughout, the lively sparkle in Kaede's eyes capturing my attention throughout.

"I-I…" She suddenly starts to speak, and I realize her cheeks have burst into flame, both from the color of red they've turned and from the fact that she's sharing the sensation with me.

"I..?" I angle my head curiously, too frozen to the spot to do anything but watch her.

"INEEDTOGOBYEHISAO!" She suddenly yells before she turns on one foot and heads for the exit without any concern for the wellbeing of her ankles.

"W-wait, Kaede!" I gasp as the motion pulls me along towards the solid door leading to the stairs…

Or rather, it seems like I've been yanked away from her body and am now floating dumbly in the air as she flees with cane in hand. Her glasses were forgotten, of course.

I only stare for what feels like a fair ten minutes at the door after it slams shut. In all my years of possessing people like that, I've never been able to do something like stop them from following the laws of gravity.

For that matter, I've never been pulled off a possessed individual by force without wanting to let go of them myself, even in the most extreme of circumstances.

"What the living hell was that?" I mouth to nobody in particular, looking up and frowning as the sky finally starts to open up, pattering against the gravel and coating her forgotten glasses in water.

Kaede Tadamichi is quite the curious figure, indeed.


	3. Chapter 3: Distractions

Chapter 3: Distractions

It's been a week since Kaede last came to the roof.

In all honesty, I'm surprised she even made the trips she did last week with that hurt ankle of hers. That was quite a point in our interactions now that I think about it, yet the girl was stubborn about wanting to interact with me.

I did try to justify that the festival that killed me was going to keep her busy for the ensuing weekend, but there was a bit of disappointment when she didn't show up the two days after. I think those ought to be Monday and Tuesday, but I'm not sure if they've made any changes to how the festival is organized or not. Fireworks are about the only sign I have to go off of that establish the anniversary of my death, but naturally the calendar date I died on doesn't always happen on Sunday.

There was some consideration on my part to try to find her, but it seemed at the time that I would just end up bothering the one person who could see me in a crowd of those who couldn't.

Oddly enough, even when I consider that reasoning now though, it doesn't seem to quite hit the nail on the head for my motivations. I feel like I should be working as hard as I can to stay in contact with my only human interaction for the past nine years, yet I can never work myself to do so.

Come to think of it, I came to the realization earlier just what was happening, didn't I? Is this just another extension of being forced to drive away those I could consider companions?

…

The more I think about these things the worse I feel myself slip back into depression. Just a month ago a week like this would have passed without incident for me, but now it feels like yet another eternity to suffer through.

Maybe I ought to consider all of this a good thing? I can't shake this desire to get more out of all this sudden excitement, I guess.

Her glasses still rest where they fell into the gravel, a few scratches to the lens and frames about the extent of the damage to them. I haven't really seen through Kaede's eyes, but it's still confusing she would need such thick lenses when her vision seems so generally normal. I might be ascribing a bit too much consideration to her ability to see ghosts, though.

Come to think of it, is she able to see other ghosts besides me? I haven't had a chance to ask, and I'd be more than a little surprised if she couldn't. I'm convinced a ghost should be able to see another of their kind, so there's no real way to test her abilities without asking her myself.

Speaking of her curiosities, why is it that she needs a cane? It's clear she's not the most balanced individual I've ever met, and she was certainly taking her sweet time recovering from that hurt ankle, but as far as I can tell she's not hobbling all over herself just to walk. She did successfully climb the stairs to get to me, after all.

The more I dwell on this the less coherent my imagined answers become. I wasn't exactly lacking for knowledge in life, but I _was_ certainly less than informed when it came to the kinds of issues that might land a person here at Yamaku. I didn't even know what arrhythmia was until I had it myself, after all.

What's the worst that could happen if I go wandering around Yamaku again? There's always a chance we won't come across each other, and if we do meet then I doubt she'll be upset about not having to climb a flight of stairs just to see me.

"Right, enough moping." I sigh, letting myself stand and then leave the ground a few centimeters behind, phasing easily through the fences surrounding the rooftop.

It's actually quite late, the Sun only as relatively high in the sky as it is thanks to it being near the dead middle of summer. Still, it's low enough to color the otherwise bright green landscape a verdant variety of orange, strangely reminiscent of fall. It's certainly picturesque, something that I couldn't legitimately care less about normally. Tonight is little different, save for the fact that I've actually noticed it.

This might be progress, or I might just be letting myself become too easily distracted.

It's certainly the latter, I decide. I had something to do and somebody to find, and here I am barely a few meters from my permanent worldly residence getting distracted by not only the landscape but also the mere thought of getting distracted.

Stop it, Hisao.

Strangely vicious cycle that it is, I nevertheless manage to get to ground level, hovering a few inches above the ground and bobbing lazily as I moved along. To call it walking would be inaccurate, but calling it floating has always felt equally strange. I guess I'll never get used to the sensation or, rather, the lack thereof, of still having legs and yet having absolutely no need for them.

Yamaku is more than a little deserted at this hour. The festival came and went, and now there's absolutely nothing resembling a good reason for anybody to be out and about past club hours. The only humans I encounter are a group of boys coming back to Yamaku from the gates, likely from a visit to town for groceries or a lazy sojourn to one of the restaurants there.

Come to think of it, hadn't I visited one such restaurant in my measly week spent here? Why do I get the impression that going there is some kind of Yamaku pastime when I'm struggling to remember the place's name? It was something oriental…

"Again with the distracting thoughts, Hisao? Keep looking!"

I groan the last part out loudly, not really concerned about my voice for obvious reasons, but what is surprising is that I receive a response of sorts. Not too far from me is a familiar little yelp, muffled slightly but certainly easy enough to hear. I start to look around, but Kaede is nowhere to be found.

In fact, she's uncannily so. Even after checking bushes and the like for what feels like a minimum of five minutes, Kaede doesn't show up anywhere on my visual radar. Have I gone crazier in my nine years of ghostliness than I first thought?

"I guess I really am going crazy…" I finally murmur, stepping away from another bush and looking around the school grounds without any more luck. Why would I just randomly hear her yelping like that if she isn't anywhere around?

Strange, but at least I'm cognizant of how strange it is. That's a good thing, right?

I turn about one more time to appreciate my surroundings. I've managed to get myself to the dorms, the entirety of my search taking place around them, which I suppose makes sense given the length of my "walk" here. Still, I wouldn't have expected to get here so quickly. My inability to pay much attention to what I'm trying to do certainly colors that expectation differently.

In the time I've spent looking around for Kaede the Sun has started to near the end of its journey past the horizon, and it seems increasingly likely she's in her dorm already for the night. I should have guessed this would have been a total sham.

I return about to the point where I first heard the yelping, sighing when I see no place to sit. It's not as if I can truly relax or rest in this state, but at least I can pretend. Oh well, I can just pretend to lean against the wall for a while and watch Yamaku's vibrant nightlife… I can't believe I even managed to finish that sentence in my head. It's just the end tag that's inaccurate though.

"Guess this was a sham." I sigh finally, turning away from the building and starting to float off towards my unfortunate rooftop residence. Only, I barely get a step away before I freeze in my tracks.

"Boo."

"W-what!?" I gasp and jump back a meter or so, my other senses far behind my hearing. Well, I suppose in this case the only other sense I truly possess is eyesight given smell, taste, and touch are gone save for when I've possessed something.

"Gotcha." The same voice continues and I'm able to make out a smirk through the confusing haze of images appearing before me. I didn't realize that it was possible for my vision to end up like this, but strangely enough the sensation is familiar. Eventually, the blur fades, revealing who else but Kaede Tadamichi, leaning forward with a new pair of red glasses and owning an impossibly adorable grin.

"How in the world did you manage to sneak up on me?" I blink, staring back at her, noting she's not in the Yamaku uniform for the first time since I've met her, instead opting for well-fit sweat pants, a blue button-up top and a pink cardigan.

"Hmm… It's a secret~," She muses for a moment before putting a finger to her cheek, looking to the dusky sky. "Anyway, it's payback for scaring the shit out of me in my dorm earlier. How'd you even know I lived right here?"

The way she's inclining her head seems to suggest that the window we're standing in front of belongs to her room. Of all the strange coincidences…

"I didn't, actually. I guess I just got lucky." I sigh, bowing my head in defeat. This was not how I expected her to be acting by any stretch of the imagination, certainly not based on our previous interactions on the rooftop. Where did this strange confidence run off to when we talked the first few times?

"Lucky? You were looking for me then?" As soon as I've appraised this confidence however it seems to diminish just a touch, Kaede's voice becoming shakier, if only by a bit.

"I might have been," I frown, crossing my arms and looking across from her. She looks about the same as she always has, her new pair of glasses a lot more fashionable than the pair that has taken residence on the rooftop with me. "I figured I'd scared you off forever."

Kaede takes a moment to process, the look on her face incredibly difficult to read. Is this curiosity? Contemplation? That seems likely, but of what?

"Well… You didn't exactly," She shrugged, sighing, the barest hint of red apparent in her cheeks. Actually, now that I think about it, the red has been there from the beginning to some extent and overall Kaede looks a bit flushed. "But let's just say staircases and I aren't getting along right now…"

"That's something I've definitely gathered," I murmur, faking a rub of my temples and opening my eyes to see Kaede has turned her gaze from me, a pout on her lips. It takes me a moment to comprehend exactly what it is I might have done. "S-sorry I just…"

"Don't apologize," She snaps her head back to me, her voice probably more venomous than intended given the way her eyes widen afterward. "Well um… I guess it was inevitable you would have noticed something. At the very least you would have suspected something considering where we are."

I open my mouth again to try and form words, but all I manage is a faintly guttural noise before I give up on the venture. Nothing I say as a response seems like it will alleviate or otherwise help the situation, so it's better to just let this awkward silence pass between us. It shouldn't last too long, right?

"Hisao?"

"Ah?" I blink, shocked out of my apparent stupor again by Kaede's voice. I'm not sure exactly how long we've been sitting there just awkwardly standing around but…

"You want to go inside? It's um… Well, it'd be weird if somebody saw me out here, y'know?"

"Understood," I nod, and fully mean my statement. A lonesome girl out at dusk talking to nobody but clearly having a conversation of some sort… Even I understand the social suicide being caught in that situation could possibly entail. "Um, where to though? If you can't get up the stairs and all…"

"Well, since you came and found my room." Kaede starts after a moment's thought, though even I'm having trouble finding her quick conclusion that innocent given her previous reactions to my "touch."

Speaking of which…

"Well, that's just the thing, Kaede. I can't exactly go into the girl's dorm." I say plainly.

"Huh? Why would you be worried about," Kaede starts, confused about my concerns before something clicks into place, her fingers snapping excitedly at the realization. "Oh! Right, I guess if you never went before… Hmm…"

"Isn't there some place in the main or auxiliary building we could go?" I offer, but this gets a solemn and noticeably tired nod.

"I think I might literally collapse if I have to walk that far. Besides, that would be just as weird as just standing out here to talk…" She frowns, starting to feel genuinely disappointed in the prospect of not getting to talk to me. I'm not sure how or why I made the leap from being the cause of trembling anxiety to warranting such a fervent discussion of where to talk, but I'm certainly not ready to complain just yet.

I'm running short of ideas at this point. It's clear she's been physically exerting herself already to some extent, but I'm genuinely hurt to see her simple wish for conversation defeated by circumstance.

Thankfully, she seems to have an idea herself.

"Maybe I can just open the window and we can talk that way?" She nods to herself, hardly even directing her voice my way.

"Wouldn't that be just as weird?" I give her a look of disbelief, but Kaede simply resumes by wagging a finger playfully in my face. Again, where was this behavior previously? Is this what exercise does to her? She's not really sweating that much, but it's all I can fathom for a reason why.

"Not at all! There are bushes that hide my window just enough that it won't matter!"

I suppose I don't really have a choice in this matter either, but it seems reasonable and I genuinely do want to enjoy some conversation again.

"I guess I'll see you then. This window, right?" No use mentioning I've never been able to fully remember the details of events I've witnessed from beyond my sphere of existence, but there's always a chance being an active part of those events will change that presumption.

"Yeah! It'll be a few minutes then. Probably a few more if the window takes a minute to open… Ah, it'll be fine. See you in a second, Hisao!" She grins again, the same as when she first greeted me tonight. It's an adorable little sight as unexpected as it is.

As promised, the window right across from me starts to open about five minutes later, a rather surprising time given the distances involved. Even before it's opening, I can see Kaede on the other side, offering her a wave and chuckle as she rushes to open up.

It's a rather pleasant night all around us, I realize. There's a light breeze that's quietly dispelling the haze of the day, or so I imagine, and the moon is near full and out in splendorous glory already.

Kaede has buttoned up her cardigan, the sleeves just long enough that she can claw the bottoms to pull them even further over her hands. It must be cold inside the girl's dorm if she needs a cardigan in the summer, however thin that might be.

"Hah… I forgot I set the AC so low… It felt good before but now…" She groans, her teeth threatening to chatter though I doubt such a reaction is anything but a cutesy fake.

"I wouldn't know," I frown, not really having anything to say about it. "I haven't felt cold in a long time. I think I might have forgotten what it feels like."

Kaede looks out at me, looking a bit introspective and then looking a bit hurt, guilty perhaps. The way she wears her emotions so plainly on her face, even when they're not always easy to read, is starting to become an all-too recognizable trait.

"Sorry, didn't mean for it to get all," Hisao you piece of shit, don't–" _chilly_ in here…"

Dammit.

At the very least I can't die of embarrassment any more.

Wait a minute, is Kaede… laughing?

"K-keh… You'll have to try harder than that… P-pfft…" Kaede is barely able to contain herself her glasses removed now as she takes a spot on her bed. My pun wasn't any good, how is this happening?

"It was a pretty _cool_ pun, wasn't it?" Dammit tongue, stop with this embarrassing madness.

Instead of stopping dead, Kaede starts to laugh louder, rubbing her temples and grinning happily. A new weakness has been revealed it seems.

"Ugh… That's so not fair," She pouts, unconvincing given how she's still trying to laugh at my ridiculously awful puns. "They're not even good…"

I simply shrug, holding myself back from more. Where the hell did I get this uncontrollable urge to be obnoxious from anyway? Clearly nowhere useful considering how poorly these lines were delivered.

"So why'd you come looking for me anyway?" Kaede finally collects herself, sitting on the edge of her bed, her legs crossed and kicking back and forth. There's some anxiety apparent in it, but overall Kaede seems to be more comfortable than I ever imagined her being capable of.

"I got bored," I start, trying my best to rest on the awning but having little success. Damn these ghost rules. "That and your glasses are still up there."

"Aren't they broken? I have a new pair already anyway, the others were…"

"Not terribly flattering?" I butt in, wanting to bite my tongue again.

"Yeah," She smiles, pulling her legs up slowly to her chest and hugging them. "And those weren't even my backup pair or anything. You should've seen my mom when I decided to go with the current frames."

I didn't really think they were that wildly different, but the frames were considerably less thick and weren't an ugly matte black like the pair she lost. Still, if a change of glasses had her mother in shock, I can only imagine what other things she could do to get a rise out of her family.

"They certainly look a lot better," I shrug, closing my eyes and putting my back to the window, trying to lean in but to little avail. "They don't look completely out of place like the others."

"Yeah…" She says again, the tone behind it mysterious enough that I can't decipher it. Wanting to find out, I turn and look at her, the girl staring off at her own walls, seeming to be a bit spaced out but not seeming entirely unfocused either. For the first time I'm starting to gather some detail about the interior of her room, but for the most part it's rather plain and unassuming for a girl's room. The only thing I'd say is out of ordinary is the desk, but only by virtue of the kaleidoscope of orange and white plastic adorning it.

"You sure you're alright? How much did you push yourself earlier?" I frown, the long silence starting to grow uncomfortable now that I've started to trail off in thought.

"Oh! No I'm fine, just ran out of things to say… Um…" She bites her lip, her reassuring words derailed instantly by her apprehensive appearance in the immediate aftermath.

"Um?" I feel anger rising up in me and I start to feel something familiar about this. Her difficulty in expression wasn't easy to adjust to, but surely it shouldn't it be _this_ hard, right?

"Sorry! I uh… Ugh, okay," She groans, leaning forward and rubbing her forehead again before looking up at me, still clutching her knees to her chest. "Let's forget about that train of thought for now. I've been thinking a lot, Hisao. About why you're still around and all that."

"Thinking and researching too from what you already know about me." I add on, chuckling but waving it off so she'll continue.

"Well… I am one of Yamaku's resident nerds," She blushes, seeming strangely prideful of that little statement, though I have nothing to say about it. "But what I've found out is pretty consistent with what I thought was going to be true with you anyway."

"What exactly are you talking about? You already know how I died and all that but–"

"I'm not talking about that, Hisao," She sets off her bed, walking or rather hobbling over towards me, her cane carefully in hand as she settles against the windowsill. "I'm talking about what's keeping you tied to the world like this. It's not normal for somebody to stick around after they've died."

"How do you… Y'know, never mind. It's probably best I don't know." I sigh. Somebody seems like they've been watching too many episodes of ghost hunting shows.

"I subscribe to a few occult newsletters and all," Wait a minute, what happened to not wanting to know? "But you're missing the point here, Hisao! Ah… Hold on…"

Her train of thought is interrupted by a loud buzzing, the cellphone already up to her ear before I've had time to even process what's happening to halt our current train of thought. It figures that the plague of cellphones would only grow in the years since my death, but I say nothing at risk of sounding like an old man.

"Hello, this is Kaede Tadamichi… Kaori!? It's been..! Mmm… Mhm… Ah, really?"

This is more than a little obnoxious. I wonder if I can reach inside enough to touch her… Hmm, no dice there it seems. I guess she'll fill me in.

"Well I'll look forward to it! I haven't seen you in so long… Um, yeah. Mhm… Alright, bye!" She closes up her phone and turns to me. Rather she pulls it away from her cheek and sets it on the table without any need to close it up. "Sorry about that, Hisao. Where were we?"

"Who was that?" I tilt my head curiously, not sure if it really matters.

"Just a friend from therapy. I um… Well, I'm actually kind of surprised to hear she's still doing alright, but she's coming to Sendai for a lesson with my sister and they decided Yamaku would be the best place to do it." She starts talking at a mile a minute and I have to rush just to keep my thoughts collected.

"Hold on hold on," I sigh, raising a hand, the invisible barrier keeping me from extending as far as I'd like. "Is any of this actually relevant…? Aside from–"

"That's she's from therapy and doing alright to my surprise?" Kaede's voice breaks the flow of conversation, a bit of a meek sound considering how factually she states this.

"S-sure…" I blink, feeling the ghostly equivalent of my heart sinking into my chest.

"You'll find out in time," She smiles suddenly, a bit morbidly in my view, before moving to the windowsill, close enough that she could reach out and grab me at any point in time. "For now, let's talk about how we're going to get you to pass on, alright?"

I can't fathom a reason to fight this development, but this path you're going down is not going to be a game, Kaede Tadamichi.


	4. Chapter 4: Please Like and Share

Chapter 4: Please Like and Share

"So what exactly are you proposing?" I cross my arms, drawing away from my perch on the window to widen my view of my surroundings.

"Well, we'll have to do a bit of detective work to make it happen," She admits, though the glimmer in her eyes is nothing short of horrifying. So this is what the girl looks like when she's determined about something. "But you've given me all sorts of leads already!"

"Leads?" I start to cup my face in agony. She really is diving into this headfirst, isn't she? "I guess I have no reason to fight this venture, but you might just be wasting your time, Kaede."

I give her a chiding frown, but her reaction to my words is perhaps a bit sharper than I expected. She seems to lose all of the millions of watts in her attitude for a few moments, the atmosphere of the room growing cool and foreboding again. I'm not so naïve that I don't know why this is happening either. I'm curious, but we've already talked about postponing this talk until the time is right.

That said, I feel I'm starting to put together the pieces bit by bit, and each piece causes my heart to sink considerably. At least, it feels like that. Organs aren't part of my equation anymore after all.

"I don't think so, Hisao," Kaede breaks the uncomfortable silence, much shorter in reality than it felt, smiling and returning to sit on her bed. "To be truthful… I've known about the stories of a ghost at Yamaku for a while. It's been one of the biggest things on my mind in spite of… Well, everything."

I nod along once again to avoid getting to the "everything" she's mentioned. Patience, Hisao.

"I guess I should be flattered, eh? I'm pretty sure if I had any other options for interaction you'd come off as a creepy stalker though." I chuckle, starting to grow bored with simply floating outside her window like a living person might stand. Maybe I should try doing some flips? Then again, I wouldn't want her to think I'm not taking this seriously.

"Haha," She gives a very fake-sounding laugh, kicking her legs lightly beneath the bed. "You sure are a charmer, aren't you?" The intent behind her words is innocent and sarcastic but it stings a bit how deeply it hits the mark.

I should tell her right now about my own suspicions, but something incomprehensible stops me before I can even open my mouth. I hope I don't come to regret my silence.

"Anything but," I sigh, these plays at awkwardness highly unwelcome after such an interesting bit of sociability the past few hours. "I guess we've not been talking long enough for you to figure that out though. I'm sure nine years of isolation isn't helping my skill."

"Probably not, but you're doing just fine all things considered." Kaede smiles, looking the part of over-excited middle schooler again. There's a name for this kind of thing, isn't there?

"Once again, I'm really not all that flattered," I shrug, turning to look out at the sky, a limited view from Kaede's first floor window. "We're getting distracted here, unless you've just been blowing smoke about wanting me to pass on and actually only wanted to talk to me the entire time."

There's a surprisingly long pause, but it's broken before curiosity can get the better of me. I don't really know how serious such a caesura could be, but it's probably about time I stopped trying to read into every tiny little reaction this girl has been giving me. As important as it is to know what's happening with your conversation partners, she _is_ still a teenaged girl, two years younger than me even at the time of my death. Not every little thing has a meaning or has a bearing on the rest of discourse, and the hormones of a teenager further dilute this effect.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm just trying to think of some ideas though… I must not have gotten as far into this as I thought."

"Well that's surprising. It seemed almost like you'd planned out every little facet of this." I chuckle, though it's just as fitting that she got too caught up in the excitement to think things through all the way. It saddens me to think of how quickly life can make such recklessness not only unacceptable, but, in my case, deadly.

While I'm thinking on it, whatever happened to those "leads" she mentioned so excitedly before?

"I thought I had too, but," There's another pause, and I have to imagine rather than witness her putting a finger to her chin in contemplation. Strangely frustrating as filling the gaps in like this is, I don't feel like tearing my eyes from sky as it grows increasingly dark. "Oh! I guess I could get your opinion on the matter too, right? It's not like I know as much about being a ghost."

"I don't really know much more than you," I frown, though the statement probably seems ridiculous to her. "It's not like I died and then immediately was handed a manual on how to be a spirit."

"You've had some time to get used to it though," She murmurs, sounding unsure of herself and starting to display a bit more of what I had previously assumed was her default social state. "I'm just asking though if there's anything you can think of that would be a help, y'know?"

"Anything to help me pass on?" A light "Mhm" is my only response, but it's sufficient to put the burden of response back into my court. "Well, what kinds of things would normally work? I'm assuming we're going off of the usual fictional stuff when it comes to this, right?"

"If you know what they are then there's not much use of me telling you, is there?"

"So, you're just afraid to say anything aloud?" I turn and give her a slightly incredulous look, but the blush on her cheeks is much more playfully bashful than outright embarrassed.

It would be good to stop pretending I know this girl's reactions ahead of time all that well, I decide.

"It's not that… Okay, it's partly that," For a moment I'm left to wonder just what kinds of perverted thoughts might be flowing through Kaede's head right now. They're certainly not worse than mine, though. "It's mostly just that I'd rather hear what you think without suggesting something first. I don't know why but it just feels like I'd be trying to steer our course of action in a way befitting me, y'know?"

"That's… Actually, surprisingly considerate," I'm not sure what she's imagining might happen, but it's best not to waste much mental effort on it. "You kind of lost a bit of that when you admitted you were partly afraid to say what you were thinking though."

"I guess I can live with that." My quip is met by another, and I have to stifle a genuine chuckle as I formulate my own response to her putting me on the spot.

Of course, this all raises the question of what exactly could be keeping me tied to the physical realm like this. It should be obvious, yet I'm drawing blanks in this moment, and it only takes me a few moments to realize why such a simple question has me struggling; the answer is more complex than anything I could possibly imagine. Why am I tied to Yamaku if not for the regrets I had in life, right?

The more I think about my regrets though, the more I start to realize that there is no shortlist of events and other happenings in my life that I ended up regretting. I regret losing my old school life. I regret losing my first girlfriend. To a much lesser extent, I regret having to give up on soccer.

Even combined, these three factors don't seem to add up. I didn't have much control over them, and even as cynical as I could be I never once felt like it was my fault, or that it was something that could truly be helped. It's strange to think about, but the only reason I can't think of to name these off is simply that they just don't feel right.

Why is it I've starting focusing on feeling so much, come to think of it? The last months of my life were a whirlwind, and yet despite this knowledge I can sum them up in a few words. Cold. Numb. Unfeeling.

By all rights I should have been doing _something_ , reacting _somehow_ to all the bullshit life decided to throw my way in my last few months connected to it. Yet every time I think on it, I remember how I was, the cold, uncaring, abrasive transfer student.

It makes me want to cry now, but it's not as if I have the physical motors available to sob ever again.

"Everything," I murmur, wanting to collapse into a hole and die, as if I haven't already died once before. "I can't think of anything I did that I don't regret. I should have just stayed in that damned hospital…"

There's a welling anger inside me, and I already feel too acutely where it's about to be directed. I turn away from the window, attempting to float away back to my roof before my instincts get the better of me again and I drive away human companionship once again. Hisao, the misanthrope, doomed to his eternity as a hermit on the rooftop where he fell to his death.

"Don't go," A firm voice calls out from behind, low and sounding terrifyingly close to breaking. "Hisao."

I turn about suddenly, the fury nearly boiling to the surface, but two things happen that keep these negative, hateful thoughts plugged away. First, there's my own recognition and fear over the consequences of what will happen should I say them.

Second, and a lot more surprisingly, Kaede has reached out an arm in what should be a fruitless attempt to keep me rooted to the spot. Of course, by virtue of touching my incorporeal form, I unwittingly find myself in partial possession of her body, something I could have sworn she considered highly undesirable before, yet I sense no animosity from her.

I suppose I'm reaching a bit too far in my ability to share sensations with my "hosts," but the uncertain determination I feel from her is unmistakable. Her other hand grips her cane carefully, shaking on the handle nervously.

"I'm sorry… I tried to be considerate and I just made it worse, didn't I?" I feel a strange flow over my cheeks, and I realize they're the tears falling across Kaede's young face, equally soiling its beauty as well as lending it a new quality. Endearment, perhaps?

It's only now that I realize that my face had been contorting in worrying ways and that I'd been ignoring her increasingly desperate voices of concern. The suddenness of her reaction becomes a bit less unbelievable, and guilt starts to reel through me.

"Kaede, it's fine," I offer a smile, surprisingly difficult when done in juxtaposition with the sobbing I have to share with her. "I got carried away is all… It's easy to do that as a ghost."

Really, it seems like it's pretty easy for both of us to get carried away. Her tears are less sudden than I first suspected, but she's still crying rather quickly considering we've only known each other a short time…

"I just… Okay, alright…" She nods, trying to calm and collect herself now, pulling her hand away as best she can before wiping away some of the tears. I would offer to do the same, but circumstances naturally dictate I'm completely unable to do so.

"Are you going to be fine?" I move as closely to the window as I can manage before the troublesome barrier that is the girls' dorm stops me.

"I've screwed up too many times before, Hisao," She answers, and it takes me a moment to start to realize why this is actually a relevant answer. "I've driven so many people away before and so many of them already go here and…" She's making another effort to start crying again, but I've figured it out now. This girl, whether she realizes it or not, is a lot like I am.

"Like I was." I try to mentally readjust that statement, but now's not the time for semantics.

"I'm sorry Kaede… I let myself get too introspective and I thought I might hurt you if I did," I try to reach inside once again, but even if I could it's not like I could wipe away those heart-wrenching tears of hers. "I guess I tried to be too considerate too."

The chuckle I offer this time seems to be terribly effective, and Kaede starts to laugh a bit with me. There's still a bit of hurt, but it seems the crisis has been averted, for the most part.

That said, even in death you've managed to make a girl cry, Hisao. There's no hope for you anymore.

"What the hell is wrong with us if we're doing the exact same things and stumbling all over ourselves like this?" She grins, gaining back some of that surprisingly confident vigor and, most importantly, infecting me with her returned good mood.

"I'm just a cold asshole, I don't know what's up with you," I shrug, finally feeling comfortable enough to breathe a sigh of relief. I don't know how or why things ended up like this, but it's good we've figured our shit out before something drastic could happen. My statement seems to give her some sort of idea, but I have one of my own to offer first. "I don't know how helpful it will be, but there _is_ something I've been dying to know since I… Well, died."

The bad pun doesn't get so much of a snicker as it seems to simply lighten the mood, but at the very least I don't have to immediately point out that my statement isn't exactly accurate.

"What would that be?" She raises her brow after a moment of collection, settling back on her bed, resting that supporting cane of hers against the frame.

"I had a bit of a unique circumstance before my heart attack, during my heart attack, actually."

This seems to have piqued her interest, and strangely enough I find myself enjoying the fact that I've got a captive audience rather than lamenting how awkwardly embarrassing said captive audience's enthusiasm is.

Oh, I think I remember what the "disease" was called. It reminds me a little too well of a certain anti-feminist who may or may not be the real reason I'm dead.

Somehow, that's entirely beside the current point, however.

"Um," I bite my lip, suddenly remembering the cliché embarrassment behind this detail. Fortunately enough, I'm not too concerned about something so petty right now. "I had the heart attack while I was being confessed to by a girl from my old school."

This isn't really the most important part of my story, but I wouldn't be able to guess that from Kaede's rollercoaster of a reaction. At first she starts to snicker and covers her face after a muffled verbal apology that I can't make out. From there, she seems to catch a moment of realization, her eyes going wide and her breath slowing to a controlled but not relaxed pace.

"You're serious, aren't you?" Those words are perfectly expected, but the pout she offers along with it seems a bit inappropriate for the question somehow.

"Absolutely serious. Believe me or not, but I was actually just barely popular enough that I managed to get a confession from a girl," I start to mumble a bit thinking of the reality of it. "Kind of fitting that almost did me in first."

The chilling atmosphere doesn't last too long before I manage to break the silence. Am I learning?

"Anyway, that isn't so much the important part I guess. What is important though is something that I received from her after I died." I cross my arms, frowning at the memories of my despair from then. It all seems so ridiculous to think of now, yet it's undeniable how desperately hopeless I felt then.

To some extent, I guess I still feel that way a bit. That's been changing a lot these past couple of weeks.

"Something you received? Like a letter?"

"So those glasses aren't just for show," I snicker a bit, Kaede sputtering in response and resuming that surprisingly adorable pout of hers. "It was a letter though, definitely from her."

"What did it…? Oh, wait a minute. You don't know what it said, right?" I don't think I'll ever regret giving her intelligence breadcrumbs if she's going to connect the dots this readily on her own from now on. As a negative, I don't get to hear my own voice as often…

Okay, I think that's enough with the narcissism today, Hisao. It's hopelessly unbecoming.

"Exactly. It's a bit hard to open a letter when you can't exactly interact too much with the physical world. This was before I had any clue I could possess objects, or before I had the ability to, I guess." I stroke my chin in contemplation of that for a moment; it never really was that clear whether it was always latent and I was just bad at it or that it was something I had to acquire.

"So you want to read that letter?" She raises her eyebrow, a healthy dose of apprehension working into her expression.

"I'm not really sure where it's gone… And it's been almost nine years since it arrived." I admit, biting my lip and feeling a lot less enthusiastic after seeing the way she's practically deflated faced with the difficult of indulging this whim.

"I'm sure there's some leads," She smiles, suddenly reaching for her desk and rummaging about for a notepad, which she places in her lap. "How did you come across the letter in the first place?"

"There was a small memorial of sorts around where I was found, I guess," I never really knew for sure why they placed the memorial where they did since it was a bit off-center, though I suppose the existence of police tape meant they couldn't just put it right where my body was. "It lasted a few weeks. The letter was placed against it about a week later, the sender's name was pretty easy to see and it was definitely made out to my address here."

Kaede simply nods along with each new bit of information, and eventually I've completely filled in every little detail I can remember. As far as I know, it's every detail that's possibly available to go off of.

"So the letter was moved away before the memorial was finally put aside?" She taps her pen to her cheek while I nod as my only response. A long hum comes next, and she seems to be deep in thought through its duration.

"Any ideas for that?" I angle my eyebrows curiously at her, getting a shrug as response.

"I'm sure I'll be able to find out even more with some time in the library. What was the name of this girl, by the way?"

"Iwanako." I start after a moment before pausing, uncertain exactly where to go from there. Did I really manage to forget her surname when it might be such an important detail? Better to give a rough approximation and some information about my old high school, I decide.

"Alright," Kaede smiles, closing up her notebook for the time being and laying back on her bed, letting a few moments of silence pass between us. I take that chance to look back outside and see that it's well and truly night time by now. "I think that's a good start, Hisao. You can go now if you'd like."

I nod, turning away from the window and looking out at over the rest of Yamaku's campus. Through our talks the sky has transformed from a canvas of dark crimson and ochre streaks to a more hushed purple, the Sun seemingly long gone. Have we really been here that long?

"I really should just tell you now and save the big mystery." Her voice breaks me out of a stupor yet again, a sigh of resignation that's heavy with apprehension.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you'd rather not," I frown, rubbing the bridge of my nose for a moment. I know what this talk is going to lead to, but I already know plenty enough, and I don't want to rush anything. Then again, trying to keep my own condition bottled up and hidden away lost me a couple potential friends. How different could my festival have been if I hadn't?

"I'm undeniably curious, but I think you've left plenty to think about already. You're clearly pretty exhausted." There's no use worrying about it too much, and in any case this is now, not then.

Kaede blinks, her eyes wide. It seems she wasn't entirely expecting this response, but I can tell the excitable little occult enthusiast is breathing a sigh of relief inside.

"I suppose so… I can hardly blame you for being curious, but I won't press the issue either if you're not ready to find out." She smiled, looking down across her desk and taking a deep breath.

"I don't think you should be worrying about how ready I am to find out," I murmur, shrugging and crossing my arms with a smirk. "From the looks of it, you're the one who needs some time."

"And I _am_ a little beat." She yawns, leaning back with eyes to the ceiling. I can't get much of an angle to see if there's something up there to stare at without moving around too awkwardly, but I'm imagining it's just as bare a ceiling as any at Yamaku.

I suppose I shouldn't use my own personal experience to gauge the reality of this school. Weird habits just don't go away no matter how hard I think I fight them.

Kaede chuckles, a little lifelessly given her exhaustion. I suppose my lack of response is telling enough by now.

"I'll catch you tomorrow," She smiles, returning to close the window, hanging her head out into the fresh air a touch. Her eyes sparkle in spite of the dull lighting, and for a moment I get this feeling that she looks incredibly… Hopeful? "And Hisao?"

"Yeah?" I blink, too baffled to really offer a more advanced response.

"Thanks for entertaining a crazy girl's whims. It means a lot." She nods and closes her eyes, drawing back through the window as the glass replaces her head. I have barely enough time to nod along, much less mutter a response.

Instead, I opt for a smirk, nodding along silently as I turn around.

"Thanks too." I hum, beginning to float back to my home on the roof. For the first time in nine years I'm feeling something resembling a drive, and it feels damn good.

* * *

Hey! Author here, just wanting to say that this chapter and chapter 3 both saw some re-writes. Some things that happened before haven't actually happened now! Chapter 5 is in the process of being written now with these changes in mind!


	5. Chapter 5: Bubble Bust

**For those about to read:** I'd just like to remind you one more time that chapters 3 and 4 have seen relatively minor edits that changed the course of this story, but ultimately should make those chapters roll off better. If you find yourself confused because I'm not addressing something important in this chapter, check those out again because that something might not have actually happened yet :)

* * *

Chapter 5: Bubble Bust

Summer vacation at Yamaku Academy is surprisingly quiet, even in the context of Japanese high schools.

I suppose I only have my old high school to base this off of, but it's an uncanny thing to witness when you're stuck in the same place for years and years at a time. When I was still in the soccer club, we devoted the entire last week of break to a training camp, but I've yet to see more than a single athletic type a day working their ass off with about six days to go.

It makes sense that Yamaku would be more forgiving with its club members considering… Everything, really, but even without the noisy sports-making, it feels like I hardly see a soul anymore.

A great number of Yamaku students stay on campus during break, including Kaede herself for about the first week, but they're almost more elusive than the aforementioned crazy ones sweating themselves into oblivion at ungodly hours of the morning. It's hardly surprising that some of the students here are pretty shut in, but to this extent?

Look at you, Hisao; you're starting to sound like a parent. How remarkably unbecoming is that?

Ultimately, the net result of all this inactivity has me scratching through days and days of boredom. I try to put this into perspective and remind myself that entire years went by without even half as much to do as now, but it isn't helping. From our final talks, Kaede and I have actually made something resembling progress in figuring this situation out, and I'm champing for more.

Of course, with all of that said I'm starting to worry that Kaede is getting flustered finding out what to do next. We haven't seen each other every day or the like, and with good enough reason I feel, but when we do talk she seems incredibly dismissive.

"I'll get to it over break. You'll have to trust me." She warned, or otherwise implored me to do the last time we spoke.

What's a ghost to say to that? Even now that's what's sticking out in my head the most from any of our previous conversations. Our talks were never the most interesting of engagements, mostly because they served primarily to sate my need, and possibly Kaede's too, for human interaction, but whenever we did get down to business they simply devolved into tedious lectures.

Not just the lectures, but the assurances that she knew what she was doing and she'd enact her plan over break. It's break now, and I should trust Kaede even a little bit, but I just can't shake this feeling that I'll get burned for it. The Sun's rising in the distance isn't doing much to help with these depressive thoughts.

What's bothering me the most about her behavior is how she just won't tell me anything about her plans, assuming she even has any. If she had offered even a sliver of information about what she was doing then I might not be so anxious to get some kind of news already with a week of break left.

While it's too late to learn what was and is going through her head right this very moment, I do have a thought on accomplishing that in the future. My forays into possession have always been rather short; no more than a minute at a time as far as I can remember. I know I'm able to see and experience the world through the lens of the person I've possessed, but what about seeing into their innermost thoughts and machinations?

I can recall vague feelings and sensations even from the times I was joined with Kaede, much of it warmth or anxiety that's understandable enough to experience in the presence of ghost, knowingly or not. I could even force them to do things against their will, which led directly to my apparent reputation as Yamaku's resident spirit. Focusing on their thoughts specifically instead of any of these other things though never truly crossed my mind.

It's a fascinating thought, and it might even be worth testing out. It would reveal a lot that I haven't been able to divine from social cues alone for sure, both about Kaede's plans and about other, more personal concerns…

Is what I'm considering doing really right? Morally speaking, this level of invasion of privacy is completely reprehensible, but should such a rule really apply to me? Should I really be worrying about some kind of divine retribution for this, or should I do whatever it takes now to achieve my goals? I can't really tell… But it doesn't feel right to throw away the guiding principles from my life so easily.

If anything, I should at least figure out if it's something I'm capable of doing, even if I don't truly plan on taking advantage of it. This brings me back to the dilemma that is Yamaku's hopelessly quiet summer vacation atmosphere. Where the hell am I going to find somebody to even test this out on, especially without them noticing?

I haven't even given that due consideration up to this point either, really. Every time before now that I've possessed somebody, they've known right away something was up, and in one case I wasn't even the one that instigated the action… It makes me wonder if it can even be done.

Then again, if I can play myself off like some kind of half-foreboding feeling, maybe my unwitting test subject will get used to my presence. After all, that's what a lot of people chalk sinking feelings up to, though I must say the number of times I've had them as a spirit myself does little to lend credence to that. In fact, I'm having trouble remembering if that effect of possessing a person was due merely to my presence or was a natural consequence of having some of their motor control stolen.

No better time to find out than now, I decide. Just as soon as I've gotten a good halfway through my train of thought, a flash of white and red highlights in the corner of my eye compromising my attention span.

Another blob of white and red joins the first, smaller one a moment later, the two runners talking amongst themselves for a bit and giving me the chance to rush them. I figure there's not a need for subterfuge or subtlety here, but as I arrive in the middle of their conversation, it seems only apt to wait for a logical gap in their morning pleasantries to begin my experiment.

"Finally ready to stop being a lazy bum?" The taller one seems to be chiding his companion, who pouts a bit too cutely for her tiny frame. Where have I seen a situation like this before?

"I've been running every morning this summer, jackass. You sure you're not the one getting lazy?"

"No idea what you're talking about," He grins his response, reaching out a hand to ruffle the girl's hair, as short and unkempt as she seems herself. "Let's not forget to stretch at least."

Here's my chance then, a break in the conversation rather than a blundering into one of the two potential targets mid-sentence. Now, in the interest of a solid control group, I should probably possess the girl, right? Considering Kaede is a girl herself and…

As much as I'm fascinated by science, now isn't the time to get too hung up on procedure. I float forward, smirking and reaching my hand out, the appendage shimmering as it presses against the back of the tiny, unkempt girl and phases partway through her cleanly as expected.

"E-eeeeh!?" She begins to blink rapidly, her spine stiffening where my hand has touched her, the poor guinea pig looking around in a panic.

"Something wrong, Matsuri? You didn't pull a muscle did you?"

"N-no, it's not that just… I guess I felt strange…" She responds meekly, her apprehension plain as day to feel through our temporary ghostly bond, but a wave of acceptance washing over her as she starts to rationalize it as nothing. Perfect.

"Don't push yourself too hard. It'd be bad to get injured now." Her running partner has finished his own stretching routine, Matsuri joining him moments later with me in tow.

I can't shake this sensation of déjà vu right now, but I can't possibly fathom why.

So now begins the experiment, I suppose. I don't seem to be throwing my host off of her game as she starts her warm ups on the way to the track, but the last time I ran any time like this was more than nine years ago. I'm trying not to influence her motions much if at all, but I'm still heavily aware of the muscles stretching and contracting with every motion, her heart pounding regularly, far more than mine did, in her chest, some leftover lactic acid buildup washing out with the increased work.

The images of Yamaku and the landscape surrounding it start to rush past my vision now, Matsuri's breathing and that of her running partner growing in intensity. Their shoes clack against one surface and make soft crunches against another, finally settling into a basic, almost surprisingly quick rhythm. It reminds me of all of the endurance running I did for club activities before that fateful day in the snow.

Maybe unsurprisingly, Matsuri is moving faster than I think I ever did. The wind rushes past her face and blows at her spiked short cut, every sensation of hers transferring instantly to me. It's a strange effect now that I'm given a second to consider it, but it isn't why I'm here. I need to find out if I can read thoughts, and the more I get distracted like this, the less likely I am to get back to the task at hand.

I try to focus in on what I already know about her, trying my best not to control any of her movements in the process. I've never really had to exhibit control before, but as far as I can tell, this Matsuri is handling a bit of extra mental weight pretty well.

"You sure you're alright today?"

Before I've managed to get a track on any inner thoughts, the both of us have our attention unceremoniously pulled away by her running mate. Indignation follows in my own head, but despite my instincts I decide it's best not to blame an oblivious bystander.

"Oh, well… Yeah…" I feel heat in my cheeks now, her cheeks as Matsuri responds in earnest. The wind starts to rush past us more quickly now.

"That's the spirit!" He calls after us, huffing and bounding to catch up after a few seconds.

Of course, with his much longer, stronger legs, he's able to catch us easily, almost frustratingly. We'd gotten such a head of steam with his teasing words, and he made up for the difference so effortlessly. I need a chance to focus on this, and yet…

"You're not gonna beat me running like that!" There he is again, taunting and teasing.

"Shut up… I will…"

That's it Matsuri. Focus on the goal and accomplish it. Are you going to just let this bastard of a best friend best you again?

"Not today! You're still a thousand years away from challenging me!"

He rushes ahead once again, but the little-runner-that-could keeps pounding away at the dirt track, teeth bared and jaw clenched. The sweat on her brow is heavy and uncomfortable, a side effect of the morning humidity I imagine, and it's becoming harder to see even though my actual eyes aren't obscured in any imaginable way.

For a moment, Matsuri and her friend slip out of my mind and time seems to grind to a halt. I try to angle around and see what else is happening, but I'm rooted, my eyes locked on the track in front of me. I try to focus back on my task, but there's a pounding in my head that I just can't ignore, dominating my will and desires for the length of this episode. I _have_ to beat this loser already. I've worked too hard to…

I have?

I don't even know this kid's name, and yet I'm having thoughts like this? None of these could possibly be my own thoughts, and yet they're all I can experience right now.

I don't get any longer to contemplate this as I'm broken out of this perceived limbo by a wobble, the ground beneath me seeming to liquefy and give way. I look down, of my own volition, seeing the cause and feeling the lurching of a stomach microseconds later.

"Dumbass, don't push yourself so much." The boy's voice cuts in again, Matsuri struggling now to maintain her balance and continue running.

It's a good thing she has such a close friend as we just about collapse to the ground as soon as he arrives, a stocky body cushioning Matsuri from what would have been quite a nasty biting of the dust in the literal sense. Sharing in that pain is something I'm not sure I look forward to given just the soreness in her muscles is rough enough.

Matsuri manages to sputter in response, clutching her knees once we've finally ended her downward spiral. I'm still doing my best not to overwhelm her or take the reins, but without much practice in my undeath to hone this, I can't say I'm doing a good job. Not only that, but the way her emotions and sensations had almost made time stop for me was a completely unexpected experience. I suppose this is science at work, after all.

"C'mon, let's get you some water."

"Yeah," Matsuri nods, her voice hoarse as we finally get back underway, all of my mental gears churning. "It's weird… I almost…"

"What's that?" Her friend manages to latch on to her voice even just a bit as she trails off. He does look to be so concerned for her, yet somehow I can tell he's just…

There it is again. These fluttering certainties in my head have come into focus several times now with myself attached to Matsuri, and I'm beginning to realize more with each return that they're foreign to my own thoughts. There aren't specifically words I'm hearing, nor do I understand anything deep, but these are unmistakably feelings…

"Nothing, nothing," She smiles, but I can feel something underneath it, subtle but present. Is Matsuri… bitter? "Let's go, Shou."

"Yeah."

There's the name I've been waiting to hear for a while as the boy grins and starts to help her along towards a shed elsewhere on campus. For all of these definite feelings she's had in response to him, I've been completely unable to divine a name from them until just now.

It's hardly enough to call a fair sample size, but I think I'm starting to figure out how this ability of mine might work. Now that I can focus more, I don't feel at all like Matsuri is about to dominate my conscious as she did when she was running, the light padding of their feet on gravel providing a somber accompaniment to my mental note-taking.

The longer we go actually, the more I realize that something is amiss in the conversation, namely that there isn't one. These two souls that seemed to bicker instinctively when I first met them are quiet as clams now, and for some reason it's making me uneasy. The day is starting in earnest and the humid heat of Sendai is following closely, but something about the discomforting warmth I'm feeling doesn't seem at all related to the weather.

It seems obvious by now why I'm so invested in this awkward silence, but the success of this experiment thus far is doing little to reassure me. This effect of taking in my host's emotional state like this is really potent.

Now might be a good time to end this, then. I can't deal with how uncomfortable Matsuri is making me right now, and my curiosity to find out what all this awkwardness is being caused by pales in comparison. It's not as if high schoolers have the most interesting of concerns anyway, but then again…

Well, we are at Yamaku, and it's anything but a typical high school, the cynically named cornucopia of cripples. It's terribly hard not to feel bitter myself right now when I think about it, how even with all this concentrated care and the like surrounding me, I still wasn't spared from a sticky, embarrassing end. To this day I appear as I did that night, my shirt unbuttoned and covering my scar only at the whim of momentum, my cheeks a neatly buzzed red. I'm just thankful I was able to go through my existence as a spirit as sober as I can ever remember being, but even then I doubt my own experience.

The thing with Yamaku is that every single student here could potentially have a story as vivid as my own. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised these two I've intruded upon are some of the more interesting students here, but I'd never know just from a few passing moments during their morning run. From the outside, I can't tell much wrong with either, maybe save for Shou's knee braces.

With all of this passed in my head, it's time I end the first phase of the experiment. I start to lift my hand out of my host, just as her lungs fill with the cleanest breath she's experienced since she started running. I can feel it coursing through me as well, the rush of relief the oxygen brings… And then the push of carbon dioxide being expelled in response.

What I don't feel is my hand leaving Matsuri's body. Rather, I yank sharply at a slight resistance, and rather than separate myself, I only succeed in pulling the poor girl backwards, her body lurching. Her friend barely has time to react.

"M-Matsuri? H-hey, c'mon we just got you a drink… Matsuri…" His voice sounds rushed, tinged with real panic.

Alarmingly, I feel the same from Matsuri herself, her heart thumping erratically and her eyes rolled back. There's a wetness on her lips I hadn't noticed before now, and as I look around I'm able to make out my surroundings as I start to be overwhelmed once again by her inner feelings. We aren't at the track anymore by any means.

In fact, I have no _clue_ where we are right now, but before I can even begin to fathom why, a sharp pain shoots up my skull, and everything seems to fade to black. How very strange.


	6. Chapter 6: They Did

Chapter 6: They Did

"You did _what?_ "

My voice hasn't wailed quite so much in some years, but then again I haven't felt as completely bewildered before as right now. Kaede looks entirely unfazed, but in my own defense, even that scream was at about thirty or forty percent of my full capacity.

"You heard me. She's coming here at the end of the week."

I approximate pinching the bridge of my nose, settling myself against the railings of the roof for a moment to gather my thoughts.

The truth is that I'm starting to regret lamenting my boredom during the earlier part of break, as now with only one day left I've been promised more intrigue than I think I can handle in a week's time. This is without the obvious matter of my experiment, the external results of which are bound to reach this keen-eared girl sooner or later.

"I got that part, just… _This_ was your plan?" I sigh, totally exasperated. I have to give the girl some credit, she did have a plan and put it into motion, but I just didn't imagine her plan would involve something like this.

"Yes, this is my plan. Well… Rather an adaptation of a plan."

I'm really not a fan of that overconfident snicker, even if her pose is a lot tamer than her behavior would have me believe.

"Let me guess. She doesn't remember exactly what she wrote in the letter, was insistent on letting bygones be bygones, all that jazz?"

"Very _close_ , my young padawan," She goes again with the playful finger wagging, taunting me every step of the way. "In fact, Miss Daidouji said she remembered the letter specifically, and confirmed having a copy of it after our little talk."

Did she now? That… Well, that actually does sound quite like her. Iwanako was always an overtly diligent type, almost to a fault, and it makes sense in this modern era that there'd be a record of correspondence with digital data becoming the norm.

"Why didn't you just ask for a copy then?" The obvious question, but it needs to be asked.

"The letter she wrote was hand-written, so it wasn't like she could just pull it up on her desktop," Kaede explains, crossing her arms and joining me with her back to the roof's reinforced fence. "You also need to understand that I had to frame this like I was a random high schooler investigating some random ghost story."

"That's because you _are_ one… Wait, Iwanako knows I'm dead?"

I don't know why that's so surprising, but a part of me probably just expected that she'd completely forgotten about me. As desperate as I am to learn the contents of that letter she sent me, I have few illusions about what it could contain. Iwanako and I had all but broken up by the time I left the hospital, and that "but" is a very important point to emphasize. Ending your visits without so much as a text or a "good-bye" is hardly what I'd call closure in a relationship.

"If she didn't before, she knows now," Kaede admits, scratching the side of her nose, part of her trip's proceedings becoming a both clearer and more ambiguous now in my head. I probably shouldn't try to fill in these details myself. "She did seem to know beforehand at least."

"So how the hell did you convince her to come here? Didn't you say she was a salary woman now?"

"That's classified information on the behalf of clan Tadamichi." She gives a wink, index finger splayed out vertically over her cheek, a light jingle accompanying the gesture. I don't think that bracelet was on her wrist before break, was it?

Well, whether she knows it or not, she basically just told me the answer to my question. Maybe it was actually intentional? I wouldn't put it past her, enigmatic as this girl is.

"Alright, let's just assume you actually managed to pull this off," I sigh, furrowing my brow and floating a step off of the fence to give myself a bit of room to think. "What are you accomplishing by bringing Iwanako here instead of just acquiring a copy of the letter?"

"I think you know the reason for that pretty plainly." The brunette crosses her arms, not even chancing a wayward glance my way as her eyes wander to the crimson morning sky.

Despite her statement and my own misgivings, I end up balking. She has almost an entire point here, but now I'm left to wonder just how _much_ those two must have talked given this wealth of information Kaede has acquired. I suppose I ought to leave it to two members of the female sex to have conversations past the point of usefulness…

Is it just me or has all this experimenting on "thought"-reading started to make me think like somebody I haven't even seen for nine years?

After I've had enough time mentally segueing and distracting myself, I finally give Kaede an affirmative nod, floating back to her side. It just about goes without saying, but I might as well clarify it in my thoughts. This is our chance to have closure, a truer closure than Iwanako likely ever got herself by writing that letter, _handwriting_ it no less. It's awfully inconvenient for her to have to come here, but whatever that Tadamichi family magic is, it seems to have tipped the scales in Kaede's favor.

"You're totally right," I smirk, hugging my knees to my chest as I hover in front of her, teasing a bit. "You usually are, as much as I hate to admit it. You sure are taking a lot more initiative in this than I ever would have expected."

That elicits a nice little reaction as I steal her gaze from the clouds, the easily flappable freshman letting herself become flapped yet again. Her cheeks are a neat red, matching the sky, and it's hard to put a name to the look of her lips except that it's charmingly confused. For all of her diligence, she's really easy to pull stunts over like this.

"W-well, look at you making advances. Aren't you an adult anyway, perv?" She finally manages to harrumph, turning away and crossing her arms indignantly, her mood not lasting but a microsecond.

"Hey now, I might have spent time equal to half my life as a ghost, but I'm still only a couple years older than you."

"That still makes you 27. I can't believe this whole time I've been talking to a ghost lolicon."

"Lolicon? You might be shorter than me, but you are anything but a loli."

"Fine, _pedo_ ghost then," She smirks, assuming she's acquired the upper hand. "I should call the cops on you."

"Oh you're totally right, Kaede, they should totally come here and arrest the already dead pedophile. Besides, you're talking to him just as much as he's talking to you."

This is entirely too easy, and it finally elicits the much wanted second sigh, sending me into a burst of joyous laughter. There's no way you can best me in a game of wits, Kaede. I had to contend with a master for about a week, and I came away with a few tricks, to say nothing of the minimum nine years I have on you.

"Yeah, well," Kaede doesn't keep up her unamused façade for long, smirking and closing the distance between. "I never imagined a perverted ghost would prove so interesting."

"I guess that's good to have in my favor now that I'm dead," I offer, perhaps a little bitterly. It's probably best to address that. "I mean, you're even making me blush."

"Oh don't bullshit me, you blush just fine all the time."

She has me there. Without the actual chemicals in my system, namely because I don't have an actual system to put chemicals in, it's easy to forget I was more than a little tipsy at the time of my death. Everything from the cleanliness of my hair to the state of my dress is now as it was, and nothing I can do seems to change this state. Even the flapping of my unbuttoned shirt is largely left up to chance, though I find worrying about concealing my scar a sophomoric concern now that I'm not even alive.

Silence seems to have set in to let me complete that thought process, but Kaede hasn't stopped smiling, those amber eyes of hers sparkling underneath her red frames.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself despite my best efforts."

"I think I explained I was pretty into the occult," She smirked, holding up her hand again to show off the new accessory I'd noticed earlier. "What do you think?"

The bracelet she'd acquired is actually hard to describe as one, but I suppose a bracelet needn't necessarily be a solid band. Adorning Kaede's wrist is a series of steel or silver chains, one across her wrist specifically, but another two bands of chains run parallel to the main, covering only half of her wrist, and yet two more wrap around her index finger as if to frame it.

Most notably, there's a little design that connects all of the chains; a small circle encasing a pentagram. The craftsmanship doesn't seem overtly remarkable, but Kaede is undoubtedly proud to own it.

"I think you look like you're having middle school delusions," I smirk, more matter-of-fact than truly teasing. "It's no wonder you're taking so much time out of your life to talk to a ghost."

I expect an instant retort befitting the rapid pace of this exchange, but instead Kaede seems to flinch at my comment. It's understandable enough to get defensive over being called delusional, but all of the rhythm we'd worked up in our conversation should have negated that, right? Before I can voice an apology, she starts again.

"I spend my time the way I feel I need to," She sighs, voice a bit shaky and worrisome. "I don't have much of a choice."

This level of bitterness is not something I've heard come up in conversation before between us. I'm taken aback, her familiar, pained expression piercing into my sentiments. Something has gotten worse, I figure, but while I'm undeniably curious, I won't dare prod. I remember how defensive _I_ used to be when I was still alive.

"You don't have to elaborate," I offer, able to see how she's been furrowing her brow during my silence. "I understand wanting to keep it closed up. It's a lot to lay bare."

"I shouldn't be keeping you in the dark like this." She practically cuts me off, taking no notice of what I've said.

"Kaede, we've all got secrets. Just because I decided most of mine were worth surrendering in the interest of our little project doesn't mean you have to tell me all of yours."

I can see from the tension in her face just how pained she is over this, and I can't help but sympathize. I have my own hunches about what might be up, but I haven't gathered any concrete information, even through my experimentation the past week. There's only so far my mind can seem to remember information presented in passing, even if I've decided said information is important.

"I still feel wrong holding out this long…" She trails off, her head bowing and her lips continuing to flap without accompanying sound.

I want to inquire, but it might have just been intentional. I can't just dive right in with my desire to know more when I've been spending the past minute assuring her she doesn't need to tell me until she's ready. As dense as I've been able to figure myself out to be in the past, at least I won't be falling into that trap now.

Eventually, silence descends on us for what might well be the final time of the day, at least presuming she doesn't want to talk later at a more convenient venue. Speaking of which…

"So what was the motivation for climbing all the way up here?"

"Hmm?" Kaede blinks, seemingly broken out of a trance by my voice.

"I mean, I probably would have gathered you'd come back a couple days early eventually. There's quite a crowd gathering in the courtyard as it stands."

"Oh, right. Well, I guess I wanted to surprise you a bit," She giggles, finally breaking out of her moping spell and grabbing for her cane, a sign it's time for her to get going. "From that reaction, I'd say I was pretty successful."

"There you go again… Alright well, be careful at least. Catch you later?"

She just nods, lifting the end of her cane off the ground to wave at me as she takes a couple steps without it. I almost wonder why she truly needs the cane, but a sudden stumble that she only manages to catch through the downward swing of her cane is at least a little telling.

"Whoa!" She looks surprised, but is actually laughing again. "I guess I got cocky! Hmm…"

There's the moping again. It's all I can do to keep in my inquiries at this point; else I go back on my word.

"See you, Kaede."

"We'll talk some more later. I still have to finish moving back in."

"Sure thing. Well, you know how to get my attention."

She nods, perking back up and turning to wave one final time, this time with her left hand, before disappearing through the door. I can faintly hear her cane thumping slowly against the stairs inside the building, and I don't think to check on her safe passage until she's clearly already gone.

So that just happened.

Now I'm left with nothing but my thoughts and the results of my experiments for the next week, it seems. I suppose I could add talks with Kaede to the list, but after this unexpected episode of awkward, I can't imagine she's very eager to talk very much.

As apprehensive as I am that my break from the past month's monotony lasted only about an hour, I'm actually kind of thankful to get this week to collect my thoughts on the experiment itself.

Of course, my experiment was complicated tremendously by unforeseen consequences related to the girl's condition. I'm glad her loss of consciousness episode hadn't taken my own mind, or else I wouldn't have learned half of what I did. While I was still trying to collect all of my thoughts from our shared run, I hadn't noticed a key, exploitable detail.

While I was partially possessing Matsuri, she and Shou had managed to wander to a place I'd never visited. The frustrating bubble keeping me from leaving Yamaku Academy has a weakness.

Of course, the troubling but also reassuring thing I learned immediately after this massive revelation was that my target suffers from epilepsy. On the one hand it's good to know that possession alone won't normally make a person faint, but on the other hand, Matsuri knew full well something wasn't quite right the instant I touched her. I imagine one of the myriad emotions I had to interpret was self-worry.

To Shou's credit, he was at least well aware of her condition and was able to get her back onto a familiar part of campus for treatment. While it would have been nice to know ahead of time, I really can't lament the lack of context clues given to an invisible observer between two close friends, especially not in light of this little episode between Kaede and me. I didn't want to pry too far into their dealings anyway after partially throwing into a loop like that, so I found other test subjects.

The general conclusion then is that I can go just about anywhere so long as I'm partly possessing somebody, but I cannot leave their body until they return to a place I'm familiar with. I wasn't able to discern what constitutes a "familiar" place necessarily, but when I was able to hitch a ride into town, I was able to leave the body of my test subject once we entered the Shanghai, the tea café I visited at least once or twice in my whole week of living at Yamaku.

Extrapolating on that, I imagine I should be able to return home at any time as long as I find a host headed there. I've still got a sneaking suspicion that my death has kept me tied here at Yamaku specifically, and I might get violently ripped away if I stay anywhere too long… But I'm not eager to test that hypothesis just yet.

With every passing day this week now, my reasons for keeping this all a secret from Kaede seem to become flimsier and flimsier. The ability to leave my bubble would certainly give us a lot more flexibility in this little quest of ours… Yet I find myself afraid of repercussions.

In any case, I end up deciding the best course of action is to leave it off the table until _after_ this fated meeting with Iwanako. After all, she went through all the trouble of arranging this, and it's not like either of us had even an inkling that I could be brought to her rather than vice versa.

Of course, none of this seems to be addressing an obvious elephant in the room. In nine years, despite all inclinations to the contrary, only one person at Yamaku has been able to see me yet.

The idea that Iwanako will be able to experience anything other than a crazy schoolgirl talking to the air is almost absurd.

I feel like we're banking a lot on how she interacts and reacts to me, or else Kaede would have just gotten a copy of the letter and been done with it. The both of us are relieved that Iwanako is so faultlessly diligent, but neither of us are expecting that it will hold all of the answers, I imagine.

My regrets run far deeper than a failed relationship, certainly, and even still I struggle to scratch the surface with them.

I've always heard of ghosts in stories knowing exactly what it was they missed in their life that keeps them from passing on, but I have no such privilege. Every time I try to give a definitive answer I balk, and I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like _to_ pass on.

It's a frustrating thought process, and it inevitably ends with me thinking all of this has been fruitless, a grand waste of my own time. Worse than that, it looks like a grand waste of time on Kaede's part. As much as she reassures me that she's doing what interests her most, I still feel like a high schooler ought to be focusing more on other, more far-reaching things.

I might be biased considering my last experience with a mildly delusional high schooler, though Kaede has at least had some of her undoubtedly countless hours spent on research pay off to some extent.

It's best not to droop into this train of thought. Without Kaede to talk to for the rest of this week, excepting passing smiles or waves when nobody could possibly notice, it would be demonstrably bad to slip into a misanthropic state. In any case, it's unbecoming of a perpetually teenaged ghost to act like he's some kind of adult.

Despite all of the impatience, I can scarcely believe it's already Saturday when it does finally arrive. It's been a fairly rainy week, quite odd for August, and today seems like it might finally break the streak of overcast and muggy days. I'm actually finding myself pretty thankful for my lack of sensation as a ghost, or else this weather might be murdering me.

Heh, I suppose it's also good I'd be dead already anyway, too.

Kaede and I had a quick rendezvous yesterday, the bespectacled freshman usually able to get my attention on evening strolls through a number of means. This week it was tossing a five yen coin at the fences surrounding the roof, but other times just standing around has been enough.

Iwanako should be arriving shortly, and all I have now is my thoughts as the possibility of being faced with my ex for the first time in nine and a half years starts to come into clearer focus.

She knows I'm dead, for one thing, and yet she just couldn't let bygones be bygones. Was the experience truly that memorable for her, or was Kaede just that capable of persuasion that an office worker was able to take time out of her busy life to entertain a high school girl's strange whims.

Now that I've actually thought about it, her decision to claim it as "classified information" was likely a wise one.

It's not as if I have any room to criticize methods myself, but it's not like she needs to know that.

As quiet as Yamaku's campus is on weekends, it's hardly surprising that the arrival of a taxi fairly early in the morning is easy to pick out against all of the things not happening right now. If I still had a heart in my chest, I have a feeling it would be thumping erratically right now.

I decide not to get a closer look and be patient. There's always the chance that Iwanako _can_ see me, and it would probably not be well for her to see me without warning even in the best of cases. Kaede herself was partly expecting to see me when we met, and the shock of seeing me was enough to get her weak in the knees.

Honestly, I think I'm actually a bit nervous right now. The taxi can be seen leaving from my perch across from the access stairway now, its occupant likely meeting up with our liaison, and it's hard to assure myself that whatever happens next won't be a huge deal.

The telltale click of the access door signals the end of anticipation, and I can feel the apprehension inside me pooling to maximum capacity. In just a few moments, the first real step since finding somebody to talk to is occurring now, in the present. I bite my lip, watching the large metal door as it swings open, making light scratching noises against the roof's gravel top.

In the lead is not the high school girl I've gotten used to seeing on a common basis, but somebody almost wholly unrecognizable. Rather than the expected office clothes, she's wearing more comfortable sweatpants and sneakers, likely to stave off the morning cold. Her once flowingly long and smooth hair has been smartly bobbed, though she at least took the time of day to straighten it up.

What I _can_ recognize is that same half-bewildered raise of dark, pencil-thin eyebrows, the same forehead that goes from crestfallen to bright in that motion, and those eyes that sparkle two brilliant hazels at the slightest embrace of light. It's scarily close to the look she gave me during a winter day right around 4:00 PM many, many years ago.

As close as it is to how she looked during her confession before her then-adorable nerves caught on, it doesn't last, her gaze not fixed upon me but several yards past me. She steps out of the threshold, the familiar brunette from the past few months following her in a similarly comfortable-looking outfit.

"Here we are," She smirks, setting her cane aside and finding a seat elsewhere on the roof. "Not as grand an entrance as you might have been expecting, hmm?"

It's incredibly hard to tell if she's talking to me or Iwanako, but for the latter's sake I keep silent.

"I don't know _what_ I was expecting."

"I'm going to guess by your reaction that you can't see him?"

Iwanako just nods, pinching the bridge of her nose. It's strange to see her without that iconic long hair, but it's somehow even stranger to be in the midst of a conversation about me that I can't participate in at all.

"Well, that's why I'm here. Even if I'm crazy, I can still convey messages if you'll have me, Miss Daidouji."

While it was only addressed directly to her, her nod my way tells me plenty. It's probably about time I spoke up, but it would be a good idea not to use a highly cliché greeting.

"It's been a long time."

Dammit, Hisao.

"Really, you're going with that line?"

"Well excuse me for folding under pressure!"

Kaede has to do all she can to stifle a sigh, shaking her head in disbelief as she relays the words to a less than amused Iwanako.

"This really is all one great big joke, huh?"

"It really seems like one. I guess she wasn't at all counting on you not being able to see me."

"Well, you told me as much. If it weren't for the offer you were able to put on my desk…"

It's hard not to sympathize with her right now considering she's the only one of us having to deal with long gaps between responses like this, but at the very least she's catching onto the conversation. It's still apparent to me that she's doubtful of this entire experience, but she's entertaining us all the same.

To our interpreter's credit, she's doing her best, though I don't think she appreciates that her words are hardly ever in her true voice.

"Listen," Iwanako cuts me short relaying yet another response to Kaede in our seemingly endless spree of repetitious drivel. "I know I told you that I'd be willing to go along with all of this for your offer. I still am, but… I suppose I just wasn't ready. I'll be leaving, for now."

If she could see my understanding, she might not look near as tense, but as it stands all Iwanako is able to see is Kaede's face paling.

How strange. I'd never remembered her having any particular skin tone, but I'm still shocked to see just how _ashen_ she looks right now. Iwanako seems taken aback herself.

"Kaede?" I inquire, my voice breaking the silence only for the two of us, unfortunately.

"Sorry, I'm fine, Hisao. Thank you very much for coming by Miss Daidouji."

"Of course," Iwanako can only nod along, her motions a bit stilted as she turns towards the door. "I'll see myself out then."

The atmosphere is heavy now, Iwanako leaving almost as quickly as she'd arrived. It's a bittersweet moment for sure, and yet I'm not the one feeling the weight of it the worst as the two of us listen to her sneakers smacking against the access staircase.

I was expecting a lot of possibilities from this fateful encounter, but an inconclusive departure was the last thing on my mind. Iwanako wasn't ever the type to enjoy being the butt of a joke, but I hadn't imagined she'd carry that aspect of her personality all the way into office life. Even worse, she carried it on at the expense of a distraught high school girl.

Offering condolences would be the best course of action, but I can't shake the feeling that trying to brush it all off just won't cut it for Kaede. I can't fathom why she's exuding this aura, but it's crushing my spirit all the same.

I think the reason it's so frustrating though is simple, actually. I haven't seen my ex in all these years, and this is the most I'm getting out of it?

"Hold on," I say, wishing I could take a deep breath for anything other than dramatic effect. "I'll be right back."

"Hisao?" She blinks, broken out of her stupor while I phase through the fence. "Where the hell are you… What about the letter?"

"I'll get to it in a minute. Just wait here, at Yamaku."

There's no time to explain further; I've already formulated my plan and I _must_ enact it before my barriers hold me down completely. I could just tell Kaede to chase her down, but with her cane and the fact she's in a state, I'm afraid of how partial possession will affect her. This is especially a concern when I consider that she'd be fully aware of my presence, unlike my unwitting test subjects from the past two weeks.

Now's not the time to grandstand on the pedestal of ethics and proven results. Nothing is going to happen now unless I try _something_.

On the subject of proven results actually, I suppose I've never taken time before to take stock of how quickly I can float someplace. Before I've even opened my eyes again from all this internal conversation, I feel a sharp tug keeping me from going further. I look down to see none other than the gate of Yamaku below me, my momentary panic replaced by understanding.

Kaede's voice had called out to me from the roof on last time when I left, but since hitting the gate I can't hear her. It's hard to tell if I'm just that far from the main building or if she's just cutting on the number of people she might inconvenience this morning…

It really hurts to think she's forcing herself to think that way right now.

I turn back around, not taking myself to ground level in favor of a better vantage point. In any case, I seem to move quickly enough to pull this off, and the target is making her appearance leaving the main building just now.

Part of me feels incredibly dirty for saying this, but I'm coming for you, Iwanako.

My form rushes through the air as I reach maximum speed once again, closing the distance between us swiftly. There's no accompanying rush of wind to signal my arrival, but that's probably good for my plan. She continues to step forward, oblivious, until she eventually passes partway through me.

Bingo.

Iwanako blinks, pausing for a moment from the shock. A rush of sensations fills my mind as I start to take partial control, the cool of a rainy August morning, the confusion of all of this ghost-chasing mess, and now the chill she's feeling from my being passing against her spine.

I relinquish all the control I can, letting Iwanako continue on her own. She appears and feels confused still, turning to the spot she'd just stepped away from but brushing it off when she sees nothing.

The plan is a success so far, and all I need now is for her to step through one of the barriers to complete the next phase. It's a bit too much like stalking, but it's the only way I can imagine pulling this off without permanently scaring her off. One more step…

Now would be a hilarious and inconvenient time for the world to toss me a curveball, but it does no such thing. Iwanako and I have both left Yamaku's campus, my host leading us towards the road and pausing there for some time.

"I shouldn't have told the cabbie to go into town…"

Everything had been so silent before that I just about jumped straight out of her. It's all I can do to avoid raising her suspicions further, but Iwanako still feels a chill running down her spine.

"Oh dammit, I even wore something unflattering to stave off the chill and it hasn't helped… I should have expected it would be colder out here, and on top of a hill no less…"

This sequence of events is certainly telling in and of itself, but very importantly, it's covering a massive gap in my ability to read my hosts. I can get vague to strong ideas of their passions and emotions, but _exact_ thoughts are elusive at the best of times.

Now though, it's like she's serving as interpreter for me, but a welling, uncomfortable sensation within her is raising questions.

I don't have very long to contemplate it because she's begun moving again, wordlessly this time. Her emotions morph into something far less brooding, almost as if she's figured out how to distract herself. I could let myself be overwhelmed by her to more easily make sense of her actions, but given her comparative age to my experimental possessions, I'm afraid I might be unable to regain my independence.

In any case, it seems that she's making her way into town while the cab is away. It isn't a far walk, and she's wearing comfortable clothing to make it that little bit more bearable.

Strange as it is, I've found myself on a stroll down Yamaku's foreboding hill with my ex-girlfriend.

What a crazy world we live in.


End file.
